My experiences from meditation retreat in Buddhamonthon 2009.

Introduction

On 17^th December I went to Buddhamonthon for ten days meditation retreat organized by the University Mahachulalongkornrajavidyalaya. 17^th was the first day so everyone was little busy with tend preparation and the opening ceremony. Then on 18^th was the second day and we all were busy meditating. There were three meditation teachers to show how to meditate in the proper ways, not only that there were three security gards as well, their names are as follows: Phra maha Doung dee, Phra maha Suriyo and Sridee. They were the monks to control the students up there. At first I was unable to sit still with all the problems that I faced up there but I sat still calmly. Because some of us were warned that we have to go back if we don’t change our tends immediately. So whenever we go to meditate we saw a monk checking our tends. So due this I was frightened that i will be suspended from there. Slowly slowly I made up my mind to try to meditate properly so that I can get rid of the fear.

After taking strong determination I sat with everyone (friend) and started to meditate calmly, I was actually not doing the insight meditation but doing my favorite Anapanasati meditation. I did it because I felt it easy and while doing meditation I became so calm that I could feel the sweetest air passing through my body. And then suddenly I lost it due to the desirous sweetest air of all. And immediately I went to sleep unconsciously. 

To be honest I cannot sit with one posture for so long, and I change my posture if I need to change. Because I believe that Posture does not matter for real concentration and there is no definite posture for meditation. I sat as the teacher asked me to sit and changed it whenever I needed to change.

Teacher mostly emphasized on sitting and walking meditations, when I do my walking meditation I noticed that my feet are touching and attaching to the ground and they move as we intent them to move then I feel that I am getting old and because of that I am getting pain. Then I was thinking we all walk for all day long but don’t realize the pain a little and when we come to meditate I noticed that walking is difficult when we mindfully walk with peace in mind. Off course I was a very very lazy person so whenever I got pain I tried to escape from it by going to toilet.

I was lazy but could understand many things without putting into practice, whenever I do my sitting meditation I never knew when I went to fast asleep. I was frightened that the security monks are watching at me and due to that I was angry as well. Anyway I like sitting meditation more than walking meditation, because I don’t I am telling a good experience or not but I must say how I feel when I do sitting meditation. When I do sitting meditation I really get peace and because of that peace I can understand the course of my problems. Just like for example, I went to Buddhamnothon and we are all forced to go there to meditate even without the will. Sometime any unconscious person may get angry immediately, and I was a person like that too but when I went to meditate I understood the meaning of it. They make us to meditation for our own good neither for them nor for the others. it’s definitely for us only. We meditate and realize ourselves and that’s what they really want from us.

This was one of my experience up there that I understood through my own experience. No one could tell me the meaning of enforcement of going to Buddhamonthon.

Another experience I got is that I saw many people getting difficulties to communicate with each other. And they are near to fight for their own respect and honors. So my experience here is that it does not matter what do, it does not matter what we say but it really matters how we all think and make others feel about us and how they make feel us about them. 

Today we are fighting and we are seriously irritated by our anger and we are totally corrupted by anger. We do not know what to do when get angry and try to strike the person whom I am angry with. But through my experience No! it should not be like that. If we think that he was good to me yesterday, we shared our smile with each other, we shared our food, we shared our knowledge, we shared our thinking and hope, but why am I so rude to him just because he did something to me today right at this moment, what is the cause for that and what did I do and what did he do? Where is our friendship which we had yesterday? Where is our happiness? Where have they all gone? If we can find an answer for these questions then we will surely be able to see the cause of fighting with friend. And then we will see our own faults and must try to change so that friendship does not end. Because a person who is without a friend, he is a person who is with the sun. We can love our girl friend or boyfriend the most but still we all have break up but for a true friend we never break up. Our boyfriends and girl friends come and go but our true friends stay and help us eternally.

Conclusion

So we all need to meditate to restrain the bad parts of our life and grasp the best part through meditation. Because meditation is the only way to peace and peace is the only way to understand and know oneself. What our parents can’t do for us meditation can easily do. What we need is only the practice; effort and continuous effort with a stop and finally realizing oneself cling for nothing from the world.

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            The first type of Self-Control is exemplified by our feelings for hot or cold weather. We need Self-Control for natural changes. If we want our hair to grow long, we must wait for it to grow. Sometimes we will be wet and sometimes we will be dry. We must wait for the weather to change before we can collect water, or perhaps before we can have a picnic. We must be Self-Controlled with the elements and accept the weather conditions.

            We need Self-Control for mental activity. Sometimes we feel so sad in our minds. We feel so alone, everything goes wrong and we feel depressed. Yet when we open our eyes at other times, our mind is happier and we can see that everywhere on this planet there is great beauty, even under the sea.

            The object of learning Buddhism is to overcome yourself. It is to realize that our mind will fluctuate through the different emotions of happiness and sadness, enthusiasm and disappointment, anger and calm, excitement and boredom.

            Some people say that they think they are being well Self-Controlled if they want to go to the pub but they don't go. we need restraint and tolerance. Sometimes we think we have well Self-Control because we stay in the pub all night! But this is not self control.

We also need Self-Control for physical suffering.

            When I was in the country as a young boy, I used to climb trees. I fell down many times but never hurt myself. But my friend next door fell out of the tree one day, hurting himself very badly. He had to stay many months in hospital. He had to control enough to allow his bones to knit together again.

            As students we have to study very hard. we will then have to earn money for our people. Afterwards, we may have to carry many heavy loads and greater responsibilities. Then we may even become our own boss. We  will be even more important and have an even greater load and responsibility.

            But having Self-Control will bring you strength. Self-Control will bring us happiness. Self-Control will bring usbeauty.

            If we don't learn to practice in this way, how can we succeed? If we have a calm body, if we have a calm mind, we will have beauty, strength, and happiness.

            we can wear necklaces and adornments over our body, but our movements and our actions are far more visible and apparent to everyone. We can't hide how our mind is behaving. Self-Control is very beautiful. Self-Control does bring strength.

            Sometimes we put chemicals on ants, and initially they die. But they have patience. After a few years they are patient enough to adapt to the poison and then it doesn't hurt them anymore.

            Our own body can also adapt. We live in Thailand, we see our friends talking together in the sun. Where it is very hot, over 35 or 40 degrees, we couldn't believe that they could stand out in the sun for several hours and talk together. They do not show any awareness of the sun or its great heat. But it is far too hot for me. The friends have the patience to adapt to the sun and now have a pigment in their skin to survive in that environment. And they are used to it. So likewise we too can adapt ourselves.

            We  have to have Self-Control to train. They say there is no gain without pain. Each year those athletes at the Barcelona Olympics have been building up their Self-Control, and training harder and harder. They have the Self-Control to succeed, Self-Control that brings           them strength, Self-Control that brings them happiness and satisfaction that they are performing well.

            we come here to learn Buddhism, and to find happiness. It is difficult but we have to have control to make small gains, and build on those gains. Some people like to run and cannot wait. Sometimes we have to be patient. If we want to grow a big tree, we have to wait. It will not grow for us in 10 minutes! If we want to improve ourselves we should realize we can not do it in 10 minutes either. Sometimes we can not get an immediate result from our actions and we all have to wait.

            We should carry our Self-Control around like the hermit crab carries its shell. Our Self-Control will also protect us and help us to survive.

            We can lose our Self-Control. Suppose in Wang noi, there are many buses and there are three destinations such as salam luang, Watshi sudharam and ransit. And suppose that we don’t know which is going to salam luang, which one is going to watshisudharam, and which one is going to Ransit. So I ask a senior monk who knows about that but unconsciously he tells me the wrong information and I do according his explanation and go to the wrong place, this is really something to get angry with but we have to have Self-Control. We have to see everyone equally, it doesn’t matter that he gave me the wrong information what is matters is not to ask him the same question again and find the bus for our own destination.

Conclusion

            If we use our wisdom, we can decide when we should use acting self control. I love self control. I love wisdom second. We can train ourselves to become more careful. Look at the earthworm. it has no eyes nor fur. Yet it must be controlled and gather its food searching through the soil.

            Practice self control and we will achieve our goals. In Barcelona, you must be fast, strong, and tough, or skilled as in soccer. But in gymnastics, they give you points according to your poise, steadiness, and control. The athletes have had to be well controlled to go to the Olympics, - all the years that they have been training and the effort they have been putting towards achieving this ambition. It didn't take them 10 minutes to get there.